Letting Go of Good Things

My big dream is to travel the world as a family, going to hard places to help communities and great organizations. I want to build schools, create jobs, teach women, and help families thrive. Some people think we’re crazy, possibly bordering on irresponsible. Even I think it’s mildly insane when I estimate the costs and preparation—at least two more languages, maybe three. But, it’s my dream.

Seminary was never part of my dream until last summer when it clearly became the next very big, scary, hard step.

School turned our already busy life upside down. By Week 9 I knew a lot of good and fun things were about to get kicked to the curb. I felt like a failure because one thing I’ve been really good at is being involved in too many projects but making sure everything gets done. I didn’t want to quit anything, nothing big or nothing little. Nonetheless, quitting was what I needed to do. Gone were Saturdays watching college football. TV, off the list except for 2 shows I now record. Going to spend a weekend at the cabin, homework packed. Football practice, there in spirit as I work on a research paper in my car.

None of this compared to stepping down from Praise Band. Why would God make me chose between leading worship and seminary? Aren’t both of these things good? With a heavy heart and lots of tears, I sent the email that I dreaded. I can’t balance school and Praise Band at the same time. No matter how supportive or loving my friends were when they replied, I felt like a disappointment.

Letting go of the good things is the hardest part of balancing our lives, let alone following our dreams. My Thursday evenings were meant for playing music with my friends. Reading textbooks and writing research papers doesn’t sound nearly as fun. I don’t want to give up anything. I just want more good things to magically fit into my life but that’s not realistic. If we had infinite time and energy we’d never be forced to choose what really is important to us. We’d just keep doing more and more until nothing was really important.

We know sacrifice. As mothers we give up our bodies for pregnancy, our sleep for infant feedings, and our identity to become known as Aubrey’s mom instead of Kelly. We understand how to make hard choices on behalf of someone else, it’s the way we’re wired. The real question is, are we willing to make the hard choices that benefit us? What if we have to give up something really big or do something really hard? Too many times we say we want our lives or our families to look differently but we are afraid to change.

When you’re making hard choices some people will think you’re crazy. You might feel like a failure. And, if your next step is really big you might feel like you’re all alone. When you start to doubt yourself, don’t forget that your life, your family, and your dreams are worth the sacrifice because we can’t see tomorrow’s greatness while we stand in the shadows of today.

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